may_yong@nus.edu.sg
todate Thu, Sep 27, 2007at 4:26pm
subject Centre For The Arts FOH: Interviews
mailed-by nus.edu.sg
Thank you for interest in joining the Centre For The Arts (CFA) Front-of-House Usher Team at the UCC. You have been shortlisted for an interview next week.
Available Interview Time Slots:
Interviews have been scheduled at 15-minute intervals and are still available at the following times
Mon 1st Oct - Wed 3rd Oct: 4- 6pm (i.e. 4.00pm, 4.15pm...5.45pm)
Fri 5th Oct: 3-6pm (i.e. 3.00pm, 3.15pm... 5.45pm)
Setting Up your Interview Slot:
Please respond to this email with '010207' , followed by your name and contact number in the subject header.
Because of the high number of applicants, please then indicate your top three preferences for interview time slots in the body of your email and we will try our best to match your times ( i.e. 4.30pm Wed 03/10, 4.30pm Thurs 03/10).
Interviews will be held at the University Cultural Centre. We will get back to you as soon as possible with a confirmed time slot, as well as inform you of the assigned interview room. All time slots will be allocated on a first-come-first-serve basis.
If you are unavailable to schedule an appointment in the provided dates but would still like to be interviewed if we schedule more interviews in the upcoming weeks, kindly respond to this email with 'Not Available', followed by your name and contact number on the subject header, and we will contact you accordingly.
We hope to hear from you shortly.
Cheers,
May
May YONG (Ms) :: Management Trainee - Event Management & Operations (Venues) :: NUS Centre For the Arts :: National University of Singapore :: University Cultural Centre, 50 Kent Ridge Crescent, Singapore 119279 :: 65-6516-3784 (DID) :: 65-874-1002 (Fax) :: may_yong@nus.edu.sg (E) :: www.nus.edu.sg/cfa/UCC (W) :: Company Registration No: 200604346E
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is an email I received shortly after I applied to join as an Usher for the NUS University Cultural Centre. I will now analyse the letter using the 7Cs.
- Courtesy
The letter failed to address me personally at the opening. Instead of just jumping straight into the letter proper, she should have started off with something like “Dear Ms Ling”.
It however, did use an appropriate tone and positive wording. The necessary details were given without being too long winded or incoherent.
- Correctness
This letter is written in Formal English. There is however a particular grammatical error. From the last sentence of the third last paragraph, “first-come-first-serve” should instead be “first come, first served”.
Certain sentences, like that in the last paragraph, are, however, too long and should be shortened to preciseness.
- Conciseness
Like I mentioned earlier, certain sentences are too long-winded. The last paragraph especially.
There are also redundant words in certain sentences. For example, from the sentence “Because of the high number of applicants, please then indicate your top three...”, “please then” could just be shortened to “please”.
- Clarity
The letter is clear and straightforward. Only the necessary details are mentioned. Ideas presented are concise and effective.
- Coherence and Cohesion
Everything mentioned in the letter was coherent and straight to the point.
However, it did not display cohesion throughout. For the two paragraphs that talked about the interview timeslot allocation, they could be brought together into one whole paragraph. The sentence, “Interviews will be held at the University Cultural Centre.”, should be placed after that.
- Concreteness
The letter is has concreteness in terms of the information given as well as the way it is presented. The sentences used are impactful and effective.
- Completeness
The letter is rather complete since it addresses the main issue and the tone of writing is neutral yet informative. There are, however, some spelling errors and some mistakes made in terms of addressing the recipient.
