This incident was an interpersonal conflict I encountered myself. I am sure many of us have experienced backstabbing and conflict during our Secondary school days.
I was from a girl’s school during my secondary school days and this happened when I was in Secondary 2. I knew a girl from Secondary 3 who was named Shu Ting as well but with a different surname.( Let’s call her ST) We were not exactly the closest of friends but we were cordial with each other and greeted each other whenever we met. This was what happened. I got news one day that ST was spreading rumours about me, accusing me of hacking into her msn and other online accounts to talk to her friends. I also heard that she was unhappy because I was smearing her name online. Apparently, ST deduced that I was the culprit because we shared the same name. What happened next could be well seen as bullying in school. Whenever ST walked past me in school, both she and friends would call me demeaning names and throw profanities at my friends. My friends, of course, retaliated. I was so angry of being accused so badly that I complained about it to most of my friends. Little did I know that my friends were already plotting a get back at ST. They started a whole string of rumours about ST and ruined her reputation at school very badly. I eventually “won” and got the masses to support me instead of ST. My friendship with ST was, however, damaged beyond repair and I never talked to her again.
This is an example of a very childish incident that occurred due to miscommunication. Firstly I believe that this happened because ST and I did not understand each other well enough. Next, ST should not have jumped to the conclusion that I was the one who hacked into her account without even approaching me to ask me about it. This hasty accusation only leads to further conflict which involved our friends on both ends. I was also wrong on my part to have complained to all my friends about this issue without first seeking ST for a cordial talk to clear the misunderstanding. By complaining to my friends, I was also spreading rumours, and this made me equally uncivilized. If I was more mature back then, I would have also not been bothered by her demeaning comments and profanities and my friends and I would not have retaliated. This whole situation was blown out of proportion simply because of a lack in communication.
Hi Shu,
ReplyDeleteIt was an interesting read. I love knowing about the weird stuff that girls do which I have no idea why they do so. That is why I chose to do my blog on a topic that is related to this.
I have to be honest with you that I really cannot be bothered going into the intricacies of such girls' issue. I cannot stand girls' backstabbing, rumour spreading, gossiping etc. It is just so... girlish. (I have two younger sisters.) Therefore, I'm not going to discuss in detail about this problem that you had. I'm actually silently amazed that girls would treat such issues so seriously. I don't even understand how you even know that you won the battle? You mean you can even 'win' this type of thing?
Pardon my ignorance on such things. I just cannot comprehend it. Probably your fellow girls might give you a better advice on this. I'll just remain a sex-ist and be glad that I do not have to endure going through such complicated issues. I'll go discuss soccer, army and girls with my fellow males. As these topics occupy 90% of our conversations, being a guy is much simpler.
Cheers,
Glenn
Hi Glenn, thanks for your comment. Anyway, as I have said, if I was more mature back then, I would not have retaliated in any way and this "battle" would not have ensued. I guess it all happened partly because I grew up in a girls' school and also because I was immature and handled it in a undesirable manner.
ReplyDeleteBut anyway, like you said, I guess you won't really understand. It is a girl's thing after all =)
Hey Shu Ting,
ReplyDeleteA interesting situation which has conincidentally occurred within my circle of friends. In one of my blog, i have mentioned about my friend who was falsely accused for hacking into another friend's facebook account just because she knew the password to it...Relationship between the two was strained and till now things have not been settled between the two. I guess if I was falsely accused, I would confront the person who has accused me and ask for her justifications for accusing me in front of a group of mutual friends. I am sure after hearing both sides of the story, the group of friends would be able to make a judgement on their own ,regarding whether I was the culprit. I would not have bad-mouthed about her as it would not have made any difference between me and her. But, i guess at such a tender age in which you faced your conflict, even if I was in your shoes, I would have behaved the same way..:)
Cheers,
Rathi
Hi Shu Ting!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting post and is pretty reminiscing to me as these scenarios are common during primary school and secondary school periods.
If I were you, I would definitely approach ST to ask her why she jumped into the conclusion that it was me who hacked into her account. It did not make sense to me that sharing the same name would make me want to hack into her account, unless she thought that I hated her for sharing the same name as her? I would find out the reason first and then try to understand the whole story. Perhaps I would swear to her that it was not me, (This is the kind of things that young girls would do during that period. =) ) and maybe think of solutions for her situation such as changing passwords.
But I think you did a very good analysis of the whole situation and it is true that the lack of understanding of each other’s characters the lack of communication are the primary roots for the cause of this problem. =)
Ps.: During my primary and secondary school periods, I remembered that the girls were always fighting one another for their best friends and eventually there would be “losers” and “winners.” Girls are interesting. =)
Love,
Huiwen