This incident happened when I was around 10. It was a normal school day and my friends and I were at the canteen during recess time. We all decided to queue for at the Chinese noodles and ‘hor fun’ stall and as usual, my Malay friend, Nadia, would proceed to queue at the Malay food stall. I was curious as to why she’s always eating from the same stall even though the other stalls had food that didn’t serve pork.
After settling down with our food, I decided to be “nice” and scooped some of my ‘hor fun’ into her bowl of ‘nasi goreng’. She immediately flared up and demanded that I get her another bowl. I jumped in to defend myself and said, “You’re always eating the same things, wouldn’t you get bored? I’m just trying to share with you. Anyway, it’s not like I put pork inside.” Upon hearing what I said, Nadia turned and walked away, and that was the end of our friendship.
I later learnt that it is not just a matter of whether there is pork or not in the dish served, but also whether it is Halal or not.
This incident took place because of my lack of awareness for the different cultures amongst the different races. One wrong action due to my ignorance could turn a friendship sour. I clearly knew that she was Muslim, and the only thing I knew about her was that she could not eat pork. My understanding of her religion was just as much and I took no effort in finding out more even though she was one of my closer friends in primary school. I have learnt my lesson since then and I know better than to test the beliefs of any person.
This happened also because I was disrespectful towards others. In the first place, basic courtesy would have held me back from just dumping my food into another person’s bowl. There might be cases where a person just prefers to eat the same type of food due to cultural habits and beliefs and it is important to respect that.
Besides my actions, my words also played a part. If I had understood the Muslim culture better, my retort towards Nadia would have been more than unreasonable. And a combination of both my actions and words led to a disastrous outcome. And as a result, I have not only brought hurt and insult to Nadia and her cultural beliefs; I have also lost a friend.
A better approach to the situation would have been for me to ask her nicely why she did not want to try food from the other food stalls. She might then explain why and I would have gained new insight instead of losing a friend.
Hi Shu Ting,
ReplyDeleteYes this is indeed a very common problem that I believe many of us have faced in either or primary or secondary school days.
In fact, if I'm not mistaken, it is not simply that our muslim friends are not allowed to eat pork. We should also refrain from sharing our eating utensils with our muslim friends, if our food from bought from a non-halal stall.
Thanks for sharing this lesson with us! Now, if only we knew about such things when we were younger...
Regards,
Nicholas
Hi Shu,
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that your action back then was amusing. But being ignorant kids back then, how were we to be aware of the complexities of cultural differences? The topic of ‘Hala food’ seems to be a common cause of conflict between Malays and Chinese. (The situation in Cass’ post is similar to yours.) I belief that this incident, though unfortunate, taught you the great importance of understanding cultural differences over the course of these years.
As this cultural conflict occurred when you and your friend were just children and still in the process of understanding cultural differences, it is difficult to attribute the outcome of the incident to the wrongdoing of either of you. Being your magnanimous self as always, it was natural for you to genuinely desire to share your food with your friend. However, your friend, though angered, may not have learnt how she could handle such intercultural differences professionally.
Nonetheless, such intercultural conflicts which we encounter occasionally are important as stepping stones to better awareness and understanding of the cultural backgrounds of our friends. Living in a multicultural society, it is crucial for us to have a deep understanding of the various cultures we encounter daily so as to avoid unintended conflicts and souring of relationships. Though we can gain knowledge of various cultures through literature research, it is the involvement in intercultural situations such as this that we truly gain invaluable lessons on another party’s culture.
Cheers,
Bryan
Hi Shu Ting,
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting re-telling of the story and I can totally imagine the scene and you talking as a primary school kid. haha.
I guess its understandable that as primary school kids, we probably did not understand much about the "hala food". And I am ashamed to say that till now, I only know that "hala" means "no pork". I do not have any malays friends and certainly it did not bother me to go and find out. But after this, I surely will.
I do not think that you were actually being disrespectful. Your behavour started off from a good intention so it was forgivable and you were too young then to understand such deep cultural complexities. It was just too bad that a good friendship had to be lost through this way. But surely such things will not happen again since everyone learn through their mistakes. =)
In Singapore, racial harmony is always emphasized by our government and Singapore is well-known as a multi-racial nation. In fact, how well do the malays, indians and chinese know about one another's cultural differences and the differences in our values and beliefs? I guess such sensitive topics are always a taboo in Singapore and maybe our so- called racial harmony is built on this kind of preventive confrontation. Education on intercultural context by both schools and family will be crucial in this way. And situations like this can definitely be avoided if we were to be educated on it, even when we were kids. =)
Oops forgot to sign off.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Huiwen
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletesHey Shu Ting,
ReplyDeleteNice write-up with sufficient description to convey your issue across. Good job!..
Guess you, Jia Li and me faced conflict due to a common reason. And the reason is the lack of awareness of certain aspects of the Malay culture. Sometimes, we tend to overlook certain things. In our case, the minute details of the malay culture. However, i felt that your friend could have given you a second chance to rectify your mistake. No one is perfect right?...Both of you would have still continued your friendship if both of you had handled the intercultural conflict in a diplomatic way. I can see that her friendship meant alot to you since you can still remember the incident very clearly til today though it happened 10 years ago.
Thanks for sharing your experience!:)
Cheers,
Rathi